Some things just never seem to mix. Like oil and water.
More disturbing oil spill photos:
May 21, 2010
May 18, 2010
Sickness
Look who showed up this week! Sickness. It's not that good to see you! There he is in all his glory. Destined to shake up a normal weekend and morph it into something like this..."urrr...glup...no!...I can't answer the phone...ouch, my ribcage hurts from coughing...ouch...I can't swallow...did I already take a dose of that?..." It started Friday morning. I woke up with a scratchy throat and just dismissed it as some silly little throat dryness. Like, maybe I let the fan blow on my face too much or something. Ignorance! By Friday night I was a sweaty, slithery mess. Slept...oh...1 to 2 hours maybe. I was ready for Saturday morning to come because that meant the NextCare down below my apartment was going to open. They opened at 8 am and I was waiting in the parking lot at 7:58. I didn't have to wait long. I don't think they wanted me to. I looked like death and smelled worse. The tall, slender, athletic nurse swabbed my throat. I tried really hard not to chuck all over her. Then she told me, "There's the remote. The doctor will be in to let you know the results." I looked at the remote and thought about turning the tv on but realized it would be up to me to turn it off. And to find something that would be quasi-normal so that when the doc came in it wouldn't be some Oprah spin off blaring "And THEN he told me that my ass was too big! Girrrl!"
The doc walks in and says "Welcome to Strep Throat World!" I wondered if he practiced that for such a moment. He looked thrilled with himself. Needless to say, I got penicillin and was told to gargle with saltwater - does a dirty martini count?- and get plenty of rest.
Saturday was ok, but Sunday kicked my ass. I got WAY too hot at a family reunion lunch thingie that was at a house with no A/C and the oven on - been on all morning - cooking lots and lots and lots of food. About 25 people piled high in the living/kitchen/dining room. At one point I took it upon myself to go searching throughout their house for anything I could use to fan myself. I found an AARP magazine and thought it was probably the best I was going to find.
Later that evening while I was lying in bed, I think I was delusional or hallucinating or whatever it is when you are feverish and sick. I thought I saw red glowing eyes in the dark. Then I realized that I was probably just having a flash back from all those Stephen King novels I read in my early twenties. I thought about swallowing a cough drop just so it would coat my entire throat but realized it would've just made me choke and probably cough more. "Just taser me with your taser eyes you red eyed thing" I thought to myself.
I didn't go to work on Monday. Instead, I went to Blockbuster. I was sick and I wanted a movie. Not just any movie. I wanted Saturday Night Fever. That's why I couldn't go to RedBox. As I was checking out, the Blockbuster Guy was spastically like "Do you want a rewards card-something-something?" Oh god, I thought. I really just want to rent this movie and dash. Don't make me go through all of this. Please. No! God! I was totally NOT wanting to do any talking. I just wanted my movie. I said "No." He repeats and adds "Are you sure? I can save you approximately $10 million dollars-or maybe it was just $10 dollars- if you just sign up right now."
I tried really hard not to get frustrated with him.
I put my hand over my eyes and rubbed really hard.
He got the vibe I that I desperately was trying to stuff waaaay way down and finally just let me off the hook. He made a wise choice. I am better today and am able to write this post. I know, I know. You were waiting all day on this. Sweetie pies you are!
May 13, 2010
"P" is for Procrasti-facination
Why does it take me forever and a day to get around to doing something? Uploading pictures, grocery store, painting, planting...whatever! Just seems like I have to give myself about 3 to 5 days to get ready to think about doing something. I'm a pretty good procrastinator. I mean - damn good. I should teach a course, right? Yeah, well the punchline to that is I would never get around to it. Bad. I know that was bad.
Now that the Prez is no longer in town I am torn between what to do with my free time. I spent most of that weekend standing in alleys, peeping through windows, and generally eavesdropping on other curious Prez-stalker conversations to see if I could snag a clue as to where he was going to eat. Obviously I didn't have the inside scoop like everyone else did that was eating beside him, driving beside him or generally acting smart and being in the right place at the right time. So now I am back to planning things I would like to do. Like painting that amateur interpretation of Van Gogh Starry Night to hang on my bathroom wall, planting my spinach seeds, putting a collage together of Riley's 1st beach trip, joining a gym, getting my car inspected and then being able to renew my tag. Yippie! That last one is always a fave. It's as about as annoying as when the elastic at the top of your pants/skirt gets twisted underneath the fabric and you can't get it to lay flat because you can't get your damn fingers inside of the illusive elastic fabric tunnel! So you end up trying to come up with what you think is this ingenious way of trying to straighten it out by carefully getting your fingers around a piece of the invisible elastic and with nervous eyes and a strong jaw begin following it along until you feel the dreaded twist. There it is! Damn you! Then, like and old blind Chinese sage, working it like you are some kind of ancient braille expert trying your hardest to get it to give up the twists and turns and lay calmly...easy does it. Crap! It never works. That elastic band is resistant to being straightened out, however, becomes an overzealous slut when it comes to being twisted.
The plan for today will be to try to take a goal and get it accomplished. Maybe start with a task here at work? Ok. I'll try that. I will start with going to get another cup of coffee first.
Now that the Prez is no longer in town I am torn between what to do with my free time. I spent most of that weekend standing in alleys, peeping through windows, and generally eavesdropping on other curious Prez-stalker conversations to see if I could snag a clue as to where he was going to eat. Obviously I didn't have the inside scoop like everyone else did that was eating beside him, driving beside him or generally acting smart and being in the right place at the right time. So now I am back to planning things I would like to do. Like painting that amateur interpretation of Van Gogh Starry Night to hang on my bathroom wall, planting my spinach seeds, putting a collage together of Riley's 1st beach trip, joining a gym, getting my car inspected and then being able to renew my tag. Yippie! That last one is always a fave. It's as about as annoying as when the elastic at the top of your pants/skirt gets twisted underneath the fabric and you can't get it to lay flat because you can't get your damn fingers inside of the illusive elastic fabric tunnel! So you end up trying to come up with what you think is this ingenious way of trying to straighten it out by carefully getting your fingers around a piece of the invisible elastic and with nervous eyes and a strong jaw begin following it along until you feel the dreaded twist. There it is! Damn you! Then, like and old blind Chinese sage, working it like you are some kind of ancient braille expert trying your hardest to get it to give up the twists and turns and lay calmly...easy does it. Crap! It never works. That elastic band is resistant to being straightened out, however, becomes an overzealous slut when it comes to being twisted.
The plan for today will be to try to take a goal and get it accomplished. Maybe start with a task here at work? Ok. I'll try that. I will start with going to get another cup of coffee first.
May 11, 2010
Bruised Ego
I have never known myself to be clumsy but, unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to go ahead and put that down on the list as one of my traits.
I woke up in Riley's toddler bed at about 10pm last night after trying desperately to get him to sleep by rubbing his back - what he calls "petting me" - and carefully rolled by big ass out; trying very hard to be as quiet as a whisper. I was pretty successful. I know the sight of me stealthily crawling out of a tiny toddler bed in the middle of the night has got to be a real piece of humor. Defying gravity and creating stretched positions that I didn't even know I could fit into. Toddler bed hot yoga.
After the shoulder roll to the right, I pop to my feet or more like creak to my feet and head to the bathroom to release my feeble bladder like the old woman I am. I don't usually turn any lights on when I go potty in the middle of the night, I just kind of do this back up my butt thing to the toilet seat and hover until I know I am in the right part of the room. I don't live with a man so I know the seat is safe. Well, I take that back. Occasionally a random tub toy might make its way over. I normally just step on those - that are the most spiky and weird shaped- causing my whole foot to go numb for 30 seconds.
I finish up and head down the stairs. Only to find out that my feet are no longer under me but sticking straight up in the air and my ass is heading down to the step like a lead balloon. I hit hard. So hard I thought I might have cracked my tail bone or bruised it or whatever you can possibly do to that thing. I landed on my left elbow as well and that went numb for a bit. The worst part was the immediate headache I got. I literally felt like there were stars circling my head and I shook it like that would make them go away. It kind of worked. The whole 10 seconds that it took me to actually make contact with the ground I was thinking of all kinds of things.
Like, "How am I going to get to the emergency room if I break both my arms?"
"Did all the neighbors hear me or just the one to the left?"
"Did they think it was an earthquake?"
"Does anyone feel sorry for me or if my friends were here would they laugh?"
I got a lot of thinking going on while I was waiting for impact. And then when I did make contact I immediately stood up. Almost like I was doing that thing where you think if you get up fast enough no one knows what just happened? Well, no one did. No one was there. No one woke up. No one knocked on my door to check on me. No one cackled wildly, hunched over in hysterics. It was just me heading to the medicine cabinet for ibuprofen. I knew I was going to need that.
My ass hurts today.
It is actually difficult to perform my sedentary desk job. I refuse to acknowledge my clumsiness as well.
I woke up in Riley's toddler bed at about 10pm last night after trying desperately to get him to sleep by rubbing his back - what he calls "petting me" - and carefully rolled by big ass out; trying very hard to be as quiet as a whisper. I was pretty successful. I know the sight of me stealthily crawling out of a tiny toddler bed in the middle of the night has got to be a real piece of humor. Defying gravity and creating stretched positions that I didn't even know I could fit into. Toddler bed hot yoga.
After the shoulder roll to the right, I pop to my feet or more like creak to my feet and head to the bathroom to release my feeble bladder like the old woman I am. I don't usually turn any lights on when I go potty in the middle of the night, I just kind of do this back up my butt thing to the toilet seat and hover until I know I am in the right part of the room. I don't live with a man so I know the seat is safe. Well, I take that back. Occasionally a random tub toy might make its way over. I normally just step on those - that are the most spiky and weird shaped- causing my whole foot to go numb for 30 seconds.
I finish up and head down the stairs. Only to find out that my feet are no longer under me but sticking straight up in the air and my ass is heading down to the step like a lead balloon. I hit hard. So hard I thought I might have cracked my tail bone or bruised it or whatever you can possibly do to that thing. I landed on my left elbow as well and that went numb for a bit. The worst part was the immediate headache I got. I literally felt like there were stars circling my head and I shook it like that would make them go away. It kind of worked. The whole 10 seconds that it took me to actually make contact with the ground I was thinking of all kinds of things.
Like, "How am I going to get to the emergency room if I break both my arms?"
"Did all the neighbors hear me or just the one to the left?"
"Did they think it was an earthquake?"
"Does anyone feel sorry for me or if my friends were here would they laugh?"
I got a lot of thinking going on while I was waiting for impact. And then when I did make contact I immediately stood up. Almost like I was doing that thing where you think if you get up fast enough no one knows what just happened? Well, no one did. No one was there. No one woke up. No one knocked on my door to check on me. No one cackled wildly, hunched over in hysterics. It was just me heading to the medicine cabinet for ibuprofen. I knew I was going to need that.
My ass hurts today.
It is actually difficult to perform my sedentary desk job. I refuse to acknowledge my clumsiness as well.
May 4, 2010
Asheville-Vandals Destroy Storefronts in Downtown Asheville
Disappointing. Vandalism is never really the best way to express yourself. Create art - don't destroy it.
May 3, 2010
Monday Detox
Today's rain and low temperatures has made the lack of A/C in the office pretty bearable. I was hoping that someone would bring bagels in today for breakfast. Nope. No go. Instead, I blew up my oatmeal in the microwave. I never can remember if its 3 minutes or 2. Obviously the 4 minutes that I tried to cook it ended in disappointment. For everyone.
Would you like an update on the weight loss I'm going for? Well, I was off to a good start but I can not quit drinking micro brews and that blows my diet. By the time the weekend comes I'm sucking down Abbey Ales, Gaelics and the most delicious beer in the world: Wedge Pilsner. After 2 or 3 of those I need food. I am not thinking about calories at this point. Just whatever has the most cheese or comes with hummus. I think I have been dieting for 3 months now and I am 1 pound lighter. Hooray! Who said this weight loss thing couldn't be done? Right!
I am addicted to platform sandals and tunic dresses at the moment. All colors and all designs. The fabric gets nice and flowy near the fanny. Perfect for a girl like me.
This new addiction should keep me off of food and booze for a while.
Would you like an update on the weight loss I'm going for? Well, I was off to a good start but I can not quit drinking micro brews and that blows my diet. By the time the weekend comes I'm sucking down Abbey Ales, Gaelics and the most delicious beer in the world: Wedge Pilsner. After 2 or 3 of those I need food. I am not thinking about calories at this point. Just whatever has the most cheese or comes with hummus. I think I have been dieting for 3 months now and I am 1 pound lighter. Hooray! Who said this weight loss thing couldn't be done? Right!
I am addicted to platform sandals and tunic dresses at the moment. All colors and all designs. The fabric gets nice and flowy near the fanny. Perfect for a girl like me.
This new addiction should keep me off of food and booze for a while.
Apr 30, 2010
Downtown is KOOOKY
Its another hot one here in the office. Oh - have I told you the a/c is broken? Yeah. Well, I have resorted to being a whiny bitch about it. Its not like I've ever busted my ass at outdoor manual labor as a job. I wouldn't know where to begin. I have always worked inside a cooled building. (bless my heart) Which most of the time I bitch about being too cold. Actually, I haven't really said much about it over the last two weeks (that's how long its been) and how it has been 86 degrees in my office every day. Today it made it to 87. Pow! The pool of sweat below my chair is laughing at me. I wonder if I can siphon it and make a sweat sprinkler? Set it in front of the tiniest fan in the world - like the one right next to me - and make a cool mist blower. Invite coworkers over to my office to play in the sprinkler. We would frolic and laugh and jump. Then someone would ask "Hey! That's funny. You don't have a faucet in here. Where are you getting the cool mist?" I would say, "I think it's coming from the fire sprinkler. I'm not really all that sure." Anyway, one of the vendors came by about an hour ago and took us out for ice cream. The thing that kicked ass the most is that we went downtown to get it. Anytime I'm downtown, I'm a happy girl.
When we were riding in the sales van to get there one of the other girls made the classic jab at downtown that "its too weird' and "you have to be careful" and "don't leave us there". It made the green monsters in my frontal lobe agitated and I wanted to say, "no, it's cool" and "its culture, dummy" and "why don't stupid people see the beauty in art & architecture & creative people"??? Help me understand this crazy myth that people believe about downtown being a black hole that will molest them, sodomize them, handcuff them to a parking meter and force them to drink micro brews until they eat Thai food. I don't understand ignorance. Well, its something wrong with this particular person because on the way back to the office there was jazz on the radio and the vendor/rep said with this kind of music we should've gotten martinis instead of ice cream! Ha ha ha...salesman laugh. I, of course, was like 'Yeah! Right on!" And right before I could get that out of my mouth she quickly stopped him and said "No. I will just take a sweet tea."(hahaha conservative laugh)
He smartly said, "A long island iced sweet tea?" wink wink
(Me in my mind: HELL YEAH! Bring it.)
She says, "No. I've got only so many brain cells and I need all of them. I can't afford to lose any. And I've got 3 kids and need to be able to take care of them if they should call me in an instant."
Point taken.
BUT... And it's a BIG but...that point kind of sucks. I assume I will need to grow up here soon and live by those same rules. But I donwanna! Wah.
All in all, here is my take on her. She is a SUPER-conservative MEGA-republican christian who is afraid of downtown and hates alcohol. No shock there. And that's fine. To each his own. Just don't let your lives pass you by without experiencing your own home town in all of its beauty. And chill out and have a margarita once a year. Or don't.
Just give it to me. I will drink it in this office, that I really do love, that just happens to be 87 degrees.
When we were riding in the sales van to get there one of the other girls made the classic jab at downtown that "its too weird' and "you have to be careful" and "don't leave us there". It made the green monsters in my frontal lobe agitated and I wanted to say, "no, it's cool" and "its culture, dummy" and "why don't stupid people see the beauty in art & architecture & creative people"??? Help me understand this crazy myth that people believe about downtown being a black hole that will molest them, sodomize them, handcuff them to a parking meter and force them to drink micro brews until they eat Thai food. I don't understand ignorance. Well, its something wrong with this particular person because on the way back to the office there was jazz on the radio and the vendor/rep said with this kind of music we should've gotten martinis instead of ice cream! Ha ha ha...salesman laugh. I, of course, was like 'Yeah! Right on!" And right before I could get that out of my mouth she quickly stopped him and said "No. I will just take a sweet tea."(hahaha conservative laugh)
He smartly said, "A long island iced sweet tea?" wink wink
(Me in my mind: HELL YEAH! Bring it.)
She says, "No. I've got only so many brain cells and I need all of them. I can't afford to lose any. And I've got 3 kids and need to be able to take care of them if they should call me in an instant."
Point taken.
BUT... And it's a BIG but...that point kind of sucks. I assume I will need to grow up here soon and live by those same rules. But I donwanna! Wah.
All in all, here is my take on her. She is a SUPER-conservative MEGA-republican christian who is afraid of downtown and hates alcohol. No shock there. And that's fine. To each his own. Just don't let your lives pass you by without experiencing your own home town in all of its beauty. And chill out and have a margarita once a year. Or don't.
Just give it to me. I will drink it in this office, that I really do love, that just happens to be 87 degrees.
